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I fell like I lost my trust to him. This bad feeling started when he borrowed my money about $1400 to repair the fence. Then he did not return it for over month. Now, I got news from my  stockbroker that one of trusted company in Australia put shares on float. I want to buy that shares (I need $2000-$4000). Now I just have $1000 in my acc. In other hands, he just bought 2 tropical trees which is cost him $500 ea. Then I started getting quiet. I want him to return my money as quick as possible but I do not want to be rude by directly asking him to return my money. This morning, I told him that I need money to buy shares. Then he said that he going to take loan from his mortgage house to return my money. What the bloody future I have?? Every month, he only pay interest $600 and not paying the main. Someone who die first will go to heaven bcos doesn't have to pay back the loan. Someone who die later, go to the hell. Bcos has to paying back the loan. Otherwise, work till die or lost the house. I wish that I die first. I don't want to get the pain bcos his stupidity. Why I have to take this?? Whyy?? I can not trust him for my future. He can not control him self, his emotion, his courage, his temperament, his anger, and what so ever. Like girls/women who can not control them self for shopping and travelling. I want better future. No matter how bad my husband. I have to fight for my future on my own. Because I can not trust him for my future. Jalanku masih panjang .....